Sunday, September 11, 2011

Random Observations: German Mannequins

            So the other week while walking around Konstanz, I noticed something extremely peculiar about all of the mannequins in the shops. Basically, they all looked gay as hell. Sadly, my camera was not working, and I did not have my iPad on me to document this beautiful discovery. Also, I decided against asking my German family for their camera, because we had only known each other for less than a week. What a great first impression that would have been.
            Luckily, after we returned home, I was pleased to see my own city inundated with these fabulous creatures. Clearly, the gay mannequins have unionized across Germany, and have an iron, but well-manicured, grip on all employment opportunities. The following is documented proof of this phenomenon. All photos were taken in front of people having Sunday brunch, so my embarrassment is purely for your entertainment.

Show me a straight guy with his eyebrows.
Or his.
Or that hair.
There is enough bronzer and makeup there to last a month.
Prancing, not running.
Also, the headband.
It is as if that woman in lingerie does not exist to him.
Clearly one straight man had to be hired, in order to avoid a discrimination lawsuit.
Obviously drag queens. With terrible wigs.
Drag queen who needs a little more money on the side.
Straight-up Blue Steel in a dirndl.
Lifting your dress up is always the most ladylike thing to do.
That jaw could till a field.
Someone needs to work on their tuck game.
It is important that you start out young.
I swear that is a boy in boys clothes. A very gay boy.
Voguing or blocking balls to his face. Gay either way.
You can take the princess dress of the boy, but you'll never remove the diva.
Not only gay but also terrifying. I do not think they have souls.
Even lesbians get to join in on the fun.

They obviously wanted the more sensible outfit their sister got to wear.
It wasn't just the mannequins either. Lipstick and sequined pants? Really?
It would take me less than 30 seconds to find that exact outfit for a 40 year-old gay man using Google.
I just can't with this one.


  1. bahahahaha omg I wish I was there! What a good start to my morning.

  2. I'm glad you have the time to do this... I am also glad you have given me new means for procrastination. Looks like Germany was meant for you mwhahaha